My MOTHER Illness...

"The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret." - Henri Frederic Amiel. 

       It's 4:oo am in the morning in DC. My cell phone has been ringing, it's a call from home, a call from my mother, she was calling me since 3:00 am but I was sound asleep. I ran to my phone and see my mother missed calls, I call her back immediately, I know something is just not right, my heart was beating fast and I am worried, is my mother okay? Or something worst. After few rings, she answered with a shaking voice and I can feel her tears.

      "Sayid" ( as my mother calls me ) I am sick. I am not feeling good. I can't walk right and I want to go to the hospital, I don't mind to admit. But I am sick". 

      I fight back my fears and I ask,  "Mummy, what's the problem? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

       My mother said, "No, I am not alright".

       With all Allah courage and grace in me, I broke down. I know my mother as very strong lady and she's not emotional of a lady. But to sense that my mother is crying, hits me hard and makes me more worried and confused.

        Just a week before this, I lost my Cousin Abdulia. May his Soul rest in perfect peace. We were close, I always look up to him and he's a wonderful family man. I remember all the good times we spent together with my main Uncle Sallieu. Oh God. Life....

       Doctor's have told my mother many years ago that she needs to slow down and stop doing hard work and just relaxed, she didn't. My mother still wash her clothes, cook and goes to the market her self, fetch water, and walks under the rain. Three of my brothers are there who can do it all for her, but my mother don't allow them to do things for her. My mother was born with heart problems, she's a blessings. My mother is in her 60's now.God heals my mother.

        Back to the phone call, I don't know who to call or where to starts, but I only know my mother needs help right away and it's serious. I send message to my loved one who has dumped me for good now since my mother fall ill, but we'll go back to my loved one later, I then called my Aunt, my mother younger sister who lives in Maryland.We both are panicking and action needs to be taken right away. To make the story short, my aunt and I mobilized the other family's in Freetown to get my mother to the hospital immediately. God bless my Aunt. I know family's are the best always in life, no matter how much we all see thing differently.

         My mother has been in hospital for almost a week now and slowly getting back to herself. Several X-rays and medications and family physical supports are flowing. (I'll keep my mother updates as she get better on my blogs).

         Did I just say family's supports are flowing? Yes, I mean it and outside physical supports too. I realized that if you're good to people and open and talk with clear and genuineness, one can always have someone who'll listen and surprise you, maybe.

(Facebook), few of my FB  friends who sometimes say hello to me and live in Freetown, went to see my mother at the hospital. They kept asking me why I am down and not chatting much on Facebook. As open as I am always, I let them know my mother is sick in the hospital. Many went and visited with my mother. I let them contact my younger brother first before they can see my mother. To my surprise, my mother told me that she's amazed by the visits and support and she got  emotional. Well those friends are just people who I'll say hello to and one  particular guy, (Won't mentioned his name).  He went and ask if he can wash my mother clothes and provide her medicines and other stuff, my brother said NO, "Sayed is doing all for her mom". Wow. Thanks Bro for your kindness, despite you only knew me on Facebook, but you went above and beyond all means. I might be slowing down on Facebook to pay more attentions now to my mother and family and good people who cares about me, but I learn something new lately.

Thanks to the supports I have here in the States, special one's who asked if they can get my mother medications and prayers. Words can't tell my state of mind. I was way down when you guys were asking me to just tell how each one of you can help my mother. Tears was in my eyes but I've to hide them and just be this super man that I always imagine to be.

But with all that, I've to say this and I know it will take awhile to get it off my mind and I'll write more on this topic on many more blogs.

I  was cut off by someone I love, admire and have always long for and wish to spend my life with. I got dumped during the hardest time of my life. 

My mother is sick and she turned her back on  me and she is gone for good. I will not , say or try to condemn anyone on my blogs. True love is more than words and sometimes more than actions. But yes. I am all alone again in my life. In my 40's, no one to call my partner, my lover, my wife or my fiancee or sweetie.

I don't care; what is  the point or excuse you were trying to find in me to abandon me, you could have or should have waited till my mother got better before you dumped me or walked away. Not at this sad time in my life. You can tell me that I am not for you, and your family pressure is more than you can handle and I am not from your side or part of the World, or qualify for you or too old for you or too ugly for you, you could have waited for my mother to get well or better before you say goodbye. You  could have stood by me and just tell me all will be fine despite you're not interested in me, you could have care for me and show that we're Muslim's and human and God creations. You could have kept your peace and just hold on to me while I wiped my tears for my mother's health.

 You could have told me how you felt about  me and what you wanted from me and why you waited for an excuse to dump  me. You could have told me that all will be fine and I am here for you no matter what. You could have prayed for my mother's health; you could have have wished  me well before you dumped me. Not after you've dumped me and now you're gone and you're now telling me that God will help us all. I know God will. But don't think I am in a sad position? Do you have a heart or do you feel good by just dumping me and gone forever? Do you/ Why?

Stories From The Heart

Stories From The Heart

What's Going On?

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today." - Groucho Marx 

The end of a year, the end of many things, the end of some routines. But wait, it's always a new beginning of something, that's always going to happen in daily life.

Chatting with friends about the "Mayan" calender and there belief. Despite my faith and way of life, I am quite sure that December 21 is not the end of this World, it might be the end of the "Mayan" calender alone. Only GOD knows when this World will end. As some will say "your World ends when one expires this life".

Looking back this past few days, I have been sad and feel lonely, despite I was down with "respiratory Virus"  as my doctors calls it, I've been down feeling sad. Not for all what this year has been for me and my family's and friends and other people that I know, but I just can't get few important points to someone I loves and wants to be with and cares for deeply.

I know love don't comes easy or can't be buy with money, understanding that sometimes we all can't do all we wants at the time we wish for or hope for or wants.

That's something that's eating me up a bit.

I have to travel, this is a trip I've to get done, this is an important trip in my life, this is about me settling down and complete my FAITH as a Muslim. 

I sometimes wish I've the magic one's always and I can just play with it, but is not like that always. Trying to understand someone who's far away from each other can't always work smooth.

I've no one to blame but me and me alone. At my age now, I don't want to be alone always, I've been alone for too long and it's not an easy life, despite it's cool and calm and no one can tell you what to do or how to live your life, but this life needs changes and needs body. No one can be an Island forever, I pray God.  

God I wish I can get my points across and make someone to see and understand my cry, but I've come to realized that no one cares but there own points that's all that matters now. Is this love or lost?

Trust me, I know what I wants in life, I know I can't be with anyone that I've to go out for party each and every week. I know what I want, I know that there are someone out there who can feel for me or just understand my pains or cry. 

After all, this is not a bad World you know. 

Thanksgiving Day In The USA.

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today." - Groucho Marx

Since September to now, my family has seen few sad times, dealing with death, illness and other matters. As things happens I start to see how much one can handles when the challenges raised.  I see more of what people means to each other than just what one person wants for themself alone and no one else.

I finished my tax issues with the IRS, which was a bit pain in the rear. The stress of getting things while you might not want to always explain your case to the World, it can get a bit hard, and sometimes people will just thinks all is well with you or you’re too calm and don’t want to cry out for help or mental supports, at the same times, crying out doesn’t always solves one problems, instead they’ll look at you as weak, lazy, careless, a pain or even worst, more unknown assumptions.

As a single father and someone who’s taking great care of his mother and other’s, it’s seems cool when everyone can cry on you but there’s no one you can cry upon, oh well except GOD, Who can be the right one to cry upon.

I’ve blog many stories in the past months while I just don’t have the courage to post them, reasons? None, I am not going to make fancy excuses here and try to feel sorry for myself. Sure enough I can do better, I can write and post things, it does helps me and the few people that might come across it, but more important, it’s get the attention of my baby Fati. God bless her heart for me always.

We’ve past the elections, we’re now putting Thanksgiving behind us, despite it’s good to be thankful daily, now what next?

I took my over due Sea trip, which was way over due, it was kind enough for me to just relaxed for three days and get couple hundreds of nature photos, despite I am still uploading them, lazy? yes that’s what I’ll call my big head.

I am very thankful for life, family’s, job, health, good friends, and Fatima.

God help us all and help us makes the changes we’re fighting within ourselves daily. God help us to keep our health, family and love one and make our faith stronger and grant us our daily requests, whatever that might be.

It’s Thanksgiving Thursday people.

Dreams..

"Dream and give yourself permission to envision a You that you choose to be."

 

I don't know why I've to talks about dreams this morning, but I thinks I might as well go on it. Nathaniah, a long time friend of mine visited me at work yesterday afternoon, I've not seen her for years, last year she sent me e-mail checking on me after she dreamt of me, she was so afraid of my healths and life, I don't know what she means by that, but she says that what's her dreams tells her.

 

So her visit yesterday was the same thing again, she dreamt of me and she thinks something might be wrong with me or my health or well being. Don't ask me why. It's a bit confusing to me why she's dreaming about me and her concern is my health or well being. The last time I checked, I am a healthy man in his 40's. I try my best to stay healthy despite nothing is guarantee in life.

 

She says she's good with her dreams and so on. As my parents have always says: Always pray for the best and imagine the best on yourself and others always. I don't know what's ahead of me, only GOD knows, but I've to try my best and do better as the advice  always goes.

 

I've seen many people in many different ways and attitudes, sometimes I've asked myself why people are always in a bad mood? Sometimes you see one who looks as if the whole World is falling down on them.

 

Have you ever meets anyone who seems so extra ordinary? Thinks they know more or they're so special and they can see the World much better than you can?

 

Going back to my long time friend: She has put on lot of weights and heavier than before, I was a bit concern about her weights and as a gentleman, I can't tell a lady that she's over weight, but I also remember that she was seriously ill many years ago and went through surgery, and she get much better.

 

I've always wish a World where we all can wish good things for others. If we can just dream that we ourselves have problems to work on first, our healths, our daily life, our family's, our jobs, our friend's and our faith.

 

I pray for all dreams to be good and joyful and brings us peace of mind and a better World

"It turns out that no one can imagine what's really coming in our lives. We can plan, and do what we enjoy, but we can't expect our plans to work out. Some of them might, while most probably won't. Inventions and ideas will appear, and events will occur, that we could never foresee. That's neither bad nor good, but it is real. -Pen Machine."

I attended a friend or let's me say an extended family member funeral today in Richmond. A 40 years old young man, I always called him Uncle Man, as his family nickname. I've known him many years back through his sister. He was a good man, and respectful young man. Yes, in life I've learn many things and some of them is "No one knows tomorrow".

While at the funeral service, I listen to all the sermons, they're all emotional, heart felts, moving and some fun memories too. But one of the sermon's that hits me and stays with me is when they were talking about Uncle man and the loves he always have for his family's and wife. He treats his wife like the most important treasure in this World. He calls his mother daily and makes sure his mom is at home and well feed. He will go out shopping for his wife and surprised her always and he will talks about his wife and he says: how much understanding and caring she is to him always, how much his wife will do anything in the World to makes him happy and appreciating.

Despite I am not married right now, but I feel that connections when someone is in love or let me say "When two hearts beats as one" I mean true love, when one can just looks at each other and feels for each other, how one always wants to runs home to his or her loves one and just be there for one another.

I called my mother after the funeral and I was telling her where I was, and I remember how bless it is to have mother, despite I can't see my mother as I wants to, but talking to my mom always helps a bit. Is not that life have to be perfect always, but we've to learn from our daily encounters and change things for the better. Yes, I still believes we can love, and be love at the same time. I don't know if it's that hard to get a serious and devout life partner.

For many of times, we all takes things for granted in our life, i.e.: family's, love, friends, jobs, health, money, opportunities and many other things, but if we think again and look the other side and see what others wish they could have or wish for, we have to be thankful for all. Appreciating the gift from God, no matter what kind of gifts we've in our life, we've to think again and think more and be thankful always, no matter what

Letter To Life # 3

 

"Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything." - Mary Hemingway

Just so you know, I started this letter to Life last year and I’ve been a bit slow on writing it, when I started, I posted two now and I say to myself that I’ll write one every two or three weeks, I didn’t do as I told myself, and guess what? I am not going to make any excuses, May be I am lazy, or may be too much on my plates, i.e: Trip to Africa, (Home and Kaduna), or let me say, too much work since I’ve to take cares of personal responsibilities and it’s a must to do. Or, let me say too much thinking about my future. Oh, did I just say my FUTURE?

Yes, my future, my life plans in my 40’s, my expectations, my desires, my feelings, my way of life. But wait, did all those things I just stated matters much? I don’t thinks all of them do matters, but some are, yes, they are.

God always have plans for all of us and we just have to be determine and keep our shoulder to the wheels while we keep pushing and turning those wheels of life.

Marriage: Yes, I just say it, It’s time, God help me through, despite I am wondering and keep on asking for your directions and soft wind behind my back and the wide clear, blue sky up top me and the means and ways to get through it all.

As no man is complete in life without a life partner, so I do believes that we all have to try and try more to fulfill that part of our life journey, I know it’s never going to be always easy in life or anything we do. We or let me just say: I have never see or heard that life will be easy always, so why can’t I or we all try a bit harder to push it to the max and see what next.

Life, I know you can here me as you read my third letter, I am not a complainer, I am not perfect, I am not a free loader, I am just a regular and hoping for the better. God hear my prayers and make things easy for us.

As I concludes this letter, I’ll try to do better on my letter writing next time and write more frequently, even if it’s just a paragraph. but for now, I’ve other blogs to post.

So long. God you’re always good and help us and hear our voices and help us all

TIME We Wasted

"Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves." - Walter Anderson  



Life lessons seems to never slow down, but it's always good to learn more and hang in there daily.


But as I've always say's: It always worth living it daily. I've learn to be thankful and obedient always, no matter what.


But for now, let's jump to another topics: TIME and the way we waste it.


Talking from my views: We all waste times on things that will never benefit us or make us good. We procrastinate and judge others and condemn others for reasons only best known to us. 


We cry to gain attentions or sympathy or sometimes to get our way around things, but how far will that takes us? Not far enough. Because I've started to realize that, whatever we do to each other, will always comes back to bite us more.


TIME: We run after others and we let them control our life's and our day to day schedules, we change our ways of doing things just to seek others approval. Is that how life can be? No, I thinks we've to compromises for others, but we also have to learn that, others have there plans and things to do, they might not change there time for you, but they'll expect you to mess your whole day life just for them. Is that human or using others? But whatever one might calls it, we do waste our own time and we do it for people who don't cares much for you or wants you in there life.


Have you think about how wonderful life will be if one can just stay calm and smile more and help the people who really needs help and the lonesome who needs all the hugs and kisses? I know we're all not the same and we'll never be. But we can help each other and learn more and stop using others for our own gains.  I still know that Life is a wonderful thing and no amounts of money or goods will replace it. So while we're living it to the fullest, let's always takes time or just pose and think otherwise.

 "How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." - George Washington Carver.

As I promised you after we talked this evening with your wife, the three of us, I will draft this blog and publish it on FRIDAY. It's the Friday TALKS.

Thanks for the company this evening, your wife is always a calm and nice lady to be in her company, and I'm glad we all listen to each other, thanks for reading my post over and over again, I mean the both of you. I am not a marriage adviser, I am not a teacher, I am not someone who knows it all. I am human like you both, we're not perfect and we'll never be. Many people have sent me e-mails about the post, I felt fine and think I am making a huge differences, despite I don't know what kind..

I'm glad you listen and listen deep and give your whole being into this progress to make your marriage works. Listen is a big thing for me, I likes to listen and I likes to follow up and ask if I'm in doubt, I learn and we both learn from each other when we do listen. Even wild animals in the jungle do listen to each other and to there predators too.

Brother, your wife loves you and she's sincere with you the same way you too loves, cares and sincere to her. It's a blessings and please don't forget to counts on those blessings always. See, I am an emotional man and looking into her eyes as she talks to us both, do you listen when she says: Brother Sayed, I wants to call you and talks to you about our marriage bumps, but I loves my husband and respect him so much, I don't want to calls outsiders to complain or show them messages of our problems. Hey Bro, that's the point here, let me tell you something: I know many people who will forward text messages or makes complains to outsiders or complete strangers about anything in between there partners, I know so and I've seen it many times and it's will always happens. Is that true love? I don't thinks so Sir. If there's true love, you two can always talks about things, in bed, in the car, in the movie room, anywhere, everywhere. If you two can't communicates well, who else will? Your pillow can be the only wittiness between you two. Many people will asked there friends, family's or anyone how to solves there problems, some will make up stories that don't even exist. But let's lean to forgives too, always.

My daughter is always a good example: Her Mom thinks my little girl likes me  than her, I always tells her that's not true, but you know what? I listen to my little girl talks, I makes sure no one else matters when she wants to talks, I don't answer phone calls sometimes, just for her to get all my attentions, and guess what? It always works, she will tell me lot and I ask questions and sometimes try to makes jokes just to lighten her up. I've to do it for her, or else she will look out there for someone who will give her ears, fatherly figure and that will be disaster and deadly.

Brother, marriage is not easy and nothing in life is easy, and no matter how good you thinks you might be, there are others out there who thinks you worth nothing, nothing at all. So don't think otherwise, just be strong and devout all your might to GOD and your family's and love one's. True love to the bone is not easy, you might hurts others, not that you mean to hurts anyone, but it will always happened and you have to watch for signs of misunderstandings, we all mis-reads each other and we all pretends we know what otherwise fells and we tends to correct others than we corrects ourselves.  We tends to looks at other as problems and makes others look bad. It's human nature right? But why can't we uplift others with the little gifts we all have in us? Yes, we can make changes in others life by starting with us first.

Brother, God is good, no matter how things goes south, we must always keep our FAITH and stay away from negatives intends. The World is full of wonders and there's always a catch and we're living in limbos sometimes. I've learn never to be afraid of the unknown, I mean all of the unknown, and there's lot of it. Accept others always for who they're, we all can't be the same always, even our kids are not always like us,  We have to stand up when we fall, cause we will always falls, but we just have to pick up ourselves and brush off the dust and look up for morrow. All our little actions counts daily. Be strong.

Love is a gift from God, yes I mean it. True love is real, it all depends how much we puts into it. Listen to your hearts and sometimes just don't do things because it's the only way out, think again and ask questions. We're in our 40's now, we're no kids anymore, we don't have to acts like one, despite we feels like one sometimes, I do always, but I shakes it off. Be calm. I won't ask you to put your foot in someone else shoes,  some shoes are too big or small for us, but think about what others are going through sometimes and imagine you in it.

If a woman loves you for who you're and what you're not, don't hurts her, as long as she won't hurts you. We all falls short always, but accepts your mistakes, don't make up stories, say the truth always. Talks more to your love one, play more with your loves one. Ask more from your loves one, support each other. Every one falls in LOVES sometimes, I don't who will resists it when it's real love.

I respect your wife in so many ways Brother, God bless your UNION. What a woman? She don't call the outside into your marriage like so many others will do in a heart beats? Let's keep this chat going and I'll have another post sometimes soon, but I've to address this slaughter of innocent people in Syria, as a blogger, I enjoys my right to run my mouth on anything. Is that for real?

The Friday Talk I promised.

"I always felt that the great high privilege, relief and comfort of friendship was that one had to explain nothing." - Katherine Mansfield

It's the Friday ritual, as a Muslim, I tried my best to observes my Friday's as the Jews or Christians will do there's on Saturday or Sunday. I always looks forward to it like  little babies wait for there parents or love one to come home from wherever.

This Friday, was just like every other one, except when one of my friends, who we sometimes hangs out after prayers for few minutes of chats and check on how each other doing and family's well being. My friend is married and I always say to him: You're a good man, I've to seeks some knowledge from you and your wife, I admires at you and the way you devout to your Faith and family's and friends. Sometimes he will say to me, no, I admire at you Brother Sayed, you're my hero. Your HERO? I will asked with my little eyes wide open. I know I am not a hero, I thinks I am just a regular guy who's not perfect but try to do the best one can. Been perfect is a whole different stories. Like another friend of mine will say's: "Show me a PERFECT person, I'll show you the worst and hypocritical person in this World". I thinks I've to go with his idea some how.

My friend wants to talk to me about something, as I can see in his face, something is troubling him, he sometimes says to me, why do you always looks people directly in there eyes as if you can see there SOUL? Wow, I'll say, there SOUL? He will say's yes, you don't takes your eyes off anyone you're talking to. You don't blinks, I'll smile and say's, if I blinks, I'll missed out, We'll laugh and just be men, since we're no more boys, we're old folks now, as my daughter will tells me.

O Kay, enough of blah blah now, let's get to the chase. My friend wants to talks to me about his "House Hold", I mean marriage problems, in my case, I don't thinks it's a problem, but yet it can be. It all depends. I said to him " Brother, come on, there's nothing in your house hold you can't handle, you're the best guy I've seen out here, you're the man, the real deal. O kay brother Sayed, just listen to me now. Sayed is the name my beloved Grand mother gave me and it's special to me always and many friends calls me by that name. It makes me calm down some how, (I just want you to laugh). My friend is a good man, full of kindness and gentle, he talks less and always ask questions in order for him to learn and understand, that's the way I try to be sometimes.

My friend loves his family's and everyone around him and his family's. But sometimes life gives us "Curve Ball", we might not picture it right, but we've to accepts somethings and try to change some other things that we can. Love is love, despite love can be hurtful sometimes and mimic us or drag us to our feet and makes one surrender his whole being for the pursuit of it. I know I've said lot in just this one sentence. To cut to this chase, my friend is seeking my advice's or just looking for someone to listen to him while he vents or express his pains. So I calm myself down and let him talks, he talks for 30 minutes or more, during this period, I says nothing, but listen and give him all my attentions. It's feels good. By the time he finished, tears in his eyes, but not crying, as the saying goes" Big boys don't cries". Now in this blog, I will not mention what my friend told me, but I promised him that I'll blog about it and let him ask his wife to read this particular blog and I am dedicating it to them: So, take this: What can I call those words below?

My advice: Oh hell no, it's not advice's, by the way, who is me to advice any one? But let me start by saying this:
 *Try to understand how other people feel through emphatic listening, and observing.


*Be open and sincere with everyone in your life. Don't hide things in your life from love one's.


*Don't take yourself too seriously, No one else does. Be calm, smile, play more and devout.


*Be content with where you are, who you are, and what you have always.


*Do the right thing, always, it doesn't matter how small that is. Try to learn from our daily mistakes.


*Find ways to release your stress often. Exercises, May be that's why I've crush on workouts.


*Do more of the things that gives you pleasure, I've few that real gives me lot of pleasure, can I say them?


*Find your passion, and create your life based on this passions.


*You don't have to win every arguments, But be able to agree to disagree. Let others wins sometimes.


*Don't always look out for fights, or be-little your mates, or talks down on anyone, but uplift others.


*Stop the drama, it breaks up happy home. Be real with love one. Talks and talks to understand.


*Don't blame others, accept mistakes, say I'm sorry and be sincere about it.


*Look your love in the eyes always, anyone who can't do that, they're not real.


*Call your love one by there names always, it's a big crush on both side. I loves my name, I really loves my name and it makes me attach to anyone faster and makes me know if that person is real or just breeze.


*Put your partner first always, show your partner that they do matter, no matter what. Smile more to each other and don't go to bed unhappy while you can seat and talks. Hold hands and talks more. Feel each other heart beats, and talks more, if nothing to talks, just hold hands and looks each other in the eyes, don't blinks. (lol) You've to blinks.


*If the house is quite, just the two of you: Pls. pop in a CD and dance slowly, I mean closer and just dance, you might not know how to dance, but try and hold each other closer and closer. Oh yeah, I mean closer.


*Remember this: Life have no promise for morrow, today is our's and morrow is in the future, who knows what will happened? Only GOD knows.

Hey brother, I do have more to say, but this is part one to my promise to you and your lovely wife, tell me what happens and I'll post part two, It's lot to say.

Love don't have to be pain or sad or expensive, love is to the bone when both sides can put the odd or bad things aside and look at the good of life and love it self. Please don't try to be perfect or pretends, just be you and be respectful. No needs for story telling or jumping the high ropes, you're bless to be here and to be born. So let makes sure we make the good of ourselves always

Some people will be confused and they'll try to get you confused and make stories against you that you don't even aware of. Don't hate them, but accept them and let them be. In many cases, they might change for the better if they truly loves you. I am a big believer in that, people will change for the better if you gives them the opportunity to. So don't close your doors. Open up and lighting you. As Louis Armstrong sangs: "What a wonderful World". And yes, I thinks so too. Don't you?

I'll see you on Friday, GOD willing.

For Love

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

As I seats here looking at so many beautiful posting on Facebook and twitter about Valentine's day, I decided to just jot some few taught or let me say things that I feels like sharing or grabbing from others, you know what I mean....

Love, laughter, joy, fun, passion and all the good things we long for or share are GOD blessings to us and we've to always make use of them. For many of us who have loved and been loved or been hurts or kicked around like football, we just know that tomorrow might be better than today or worst, it all depends how we takes it or wants to look at things. But I always prefers to look at all as blessings and it will get better.

I know sometimes we all wants to ask why loves hurts or misunderstood. I thinks sometimes we assumed that our mates have to know us all in details and we're so perfect and we're like book, well printed and neatly puts. But that's not how life itself is. No one is perfect and we'll never be, so don't even try to, if you do, you might be a fool to thinks so. So wake up and be real about it in the first place. O Kay, let's move on.

I've learnt to compromised and not to blames others for anything that happened in our life,  I thinks if you or someone loves you, there have to be good communications, compromises, respect and nothing to fear or hides. When those above things are missing, that's not a relationship but drama. There's nothing sweet or good like talking to your love one and looking at each other in the eyes and giving your heart out, asking questions to make sure each one understand one and other is a most, but don't prejudge or talking down on your partner, is not right, we don't have to always wins or pick a fights, but asking simple questions will yield lot of good fruits.

As I listen to others talks about daily life and struggles and some fun, I always comes to realised we're all one, we might looks and talks different, but we're one in sight of GOD always. And our struggles continues, but we can do something about our daily life's and how we treats others in our life.

Like a friend asked me sometimes ago, why do love ones always fights or talks bad to each other? Instead of caring and support one and other? Oh well, I says, it's just part of life, he says: Part of Life? Yes it is. But in  few seconds, I said to myself, no, it's not part of life. We've to do better and supports each other and go the extra miles for each other and stand up right for each other and loves each other more and make each and everyday the best not the worst.

I sometimes imagine or let me say dreams to be in this place where we can: Talks, Hold hands, smiles, listen to each other heart beats, cries together, share good or bad news together, wear same T-shirts, cooks together, lay calm and give all our best to the one we loves and don't thinks about any negatives or wrongs about our love ones. We always have to pay attentions to one another and makes sure we're on the same page sometimes. 

Is not good when a love one is crying his or her hearts out to you and you're fighting them or assuming otherwise. I've learn to listen more and always give 100% attentions to love ones, it pays back millions. Despite we might always be  corrects, but let's learn to cares deeply for each other. Life have no promise for morrow, so why hurts others or fights others or put down others? No, we can do better, Oh yes we can. 

It's Valentine's Day...

The WORLD, May be?

"Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it." - Lou Holtz
The Word, the whole World, what’s gone wrong? It’s becoming so hard for people to understand each other or even show respect or concerns for each other feelings or way of life, seriously speaking.
Despite I likes doing my blogs and so on, I sometimes just want to use a microphone and speaker's and just say something's I sees or learn that I’ll like to share to the World, despite they might not make sense or matter to anyone, but I just wish me or others can have that opportunity to say or just talks to others about, let me say LIFE, THE WORLD, PEOPLE, FAMILIES.
You know, how you meet people each and everyday and you just like talking to them and exchanging ideas or few family stuffs and so on, but at the sometimes, you seems that you might be over doing things and you try to learn how to deal with things and by the time you figure things out, you’re still confused.
O Kay, let me use another scenario, Have you ever try to just be an easy going person and try to stay away from the spotlights, no socializing, no fighting, no pushing, no stepping on anyone toes? Yes, I do know few friends who are just like that and the World, or let me say Society, or let me just say People finds it un-acceptable to go along with such individuals,
But hey, God makes us all and we all came in different shapes and sizes and colors and features. There is nothing wrong for us to be different and still surviving in this God giving earth. Yes we can disagrees and learn how to respect our taught. But we as human have to accepts each other or help each other in this earth. No needs to be-little others or make ups stories against others, just be real and be taught full  always, show your true self and show that others matters in this World even if they don’t matters in your life. Let’s learn to love and be loved and be faithful and truthful.

I Skipped…

"Seize the moments of happiness, love and be loved! That is the only reality in the world, all else is folly." - Leo Tolstoy

I checked myself into the gym this afternoon on :Four Square”, despite I didn’t workout as I want to due to a bit of headache, but I ends up in the steam room, and I enjoys it while pondering on few taught.

The atmosphere seems subdues and calmer. Afternoon like this I just wants to stay in deep taught, but wait, deep taught? No.

I’ve blogs to finish and post, but some  needs rewriting , as I’ve a short story to blog about.

Why life is so complicating sometimes? I know we’ve no control about certain things in our life, but sometimes we as people or let me say humans, we tends to make life so difficult for others and at the end, nothing good is done or fruitful for either party.

I pray that I never makes things hard for anyone, it just don’t worth it, I don’t care who we are or you’re, just keep things simple and clear and above all, open with LIFE.

Oh Love Why?

Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead: By Adele.

*This is an older blog I let seats in my drafts for over two years now.  And here it is:

Yes I am not loud or perfect I just wants a quite life styles and peaceful. Despite I don’t go out to parties or popular but I am happy with my life style.

TM, you did make a huge different in my life despite you’ve told me that you don’t belief or look at life as anything happy about it. But this blog is for you and all those words are coming from my mind. I know you’re moving on now and you have someone new or old one you’re going back to. But just take a minutes and read this and this is all I’ve to say.

Love is sweet despite we might twist it around to hurt others, you’re always unhappy as you said that’s how you’re. But you’re burning me deep down.

I am going to counts on the happy days no negative things here. I likes when you just wants us to stay home and cooks and watch TV and pray together after you became a Muslim. Words can’t express that feelings of you been a Muslims after you was a free thinker, I likes the times we always hold hands and you looks at me way up and says “Sayed” so and so…  do you know my biggest turn on and closeness TM? Is when you calls my name and hold me and smile and lean on me and hold me so close and says, you can’t go anywhere without me, Oh GOD, I likes that so much.

Remember when I want us to go out for dinner and you says, NO? You prefer to eat at home and sleep on my laps? Yes TM You was a God sent till you walked out of my life, I think I shouldn't I ‘ve told you that I don’t have large or strong family connections and despite you accepts me as single father, but it was eating you up and I realized it late. But guess what? I’ve kids and I can’t change that and it’s my responsibilities. I am not going to apologize for that.

Yes, a dream comes true was what I taught with you till you walked out of my life.

But this is me and this is Life. Tears done and gone, I am who I am, God makes us all different and sometimes we live to learn and surge.

I likes an easy going lady, a lady who don’t takes the World before me, a lady who puts God first, family's and me or kids if we’ll have one or some, that was what I saw first in you. Awwh TM, you was so cool and calm with me. Your smile and the way I makes you laugh hard and our jokes and body moves. Oh yes you’re a real clean lady, very precious and smooth TM.

I never sees myself as man who wants to stay home while my life time partner is out and about. Oh God I likes a real woman who calls my name and real and no fighting or shouting or dogging me out.

TM, I’ll never judge you and no one have the right to judge others we can only judge ourselves. But let me say this, you have all the really quality of a good person, you’re real. you talks to me about life, you talks about your feelings, you don’t likes to fight with me, instead you ask me things and listen more despite you talks and talks more, and I likes that. I can see in your heart always.

True love don’t ask for much, true loves don’t push us off the cliff but shelter us and makes us one. Yes, we used to be one despite the distance sometimes, but we both conquer that and we made it work for awhile.

Enough of this. Do I’ve to right all this? Oh well, one of my co-workers says I blow my mind more on my blogs than talking in person. I hope not so.

Today I watched and wake up…

"Seize the moments of happiness, love and be loved! That is the only reality in the world, all else is folly." - Leo Tolstoy

As my little girl always tells me that watching TV is good sometimes, I don’t like the Tele (TV) much. I thinks it’s waste of time always and I can always use those hours doing something much better and fruitful.

But, I was off work last week and drop off my daughter and home alone, I turn on the Tele and I was watch the “Current TV channel”, the show was “World Deadliest Journeys” .

I watched both episodes: Miners in Java, Indonesia digging Sulfur in an active Volcano mines and the second episode is frights trip on the Congo river in Congo (Africa).

I know this might be so simple and someone might just ask: So what? Why writing about such thing? Hey, I get the answer why. Are you ready?

Let’s starts with the first episode with the Sulfur miners in Java, Indonesia, if you or anyone knows how toxic and dangerous a Volcano can be, think about the lava or the waste products that the Volcano gave out, it produces Sulfur, just one of the waste products, but the miners have to go deep down to the crater sides of the Volcano and digs up the sulfur very early in the morning while the temperature is cool and the toxic smokes from the volcano is less, those miners will then carry the sulfur rocks on there shoulder for about three miles and sell it to a special company. The company will then turn that sulfur to soap, sugar and even explosions after heavy processes.

The miners can only carry about 180 lbs. and the amounts they will earn is equivalents to $20 a day, while they’re down on those volcanoes craters, they’re breathing the sulfur smoke which is burning they’re lungs and sometimes, some miners will fall off the cliff and dies. These miners never visited the hospital while the sulfur is eating up there lungs.

The next episode is about the river Congo, despite I am from Africa and very proud to be, I am not trying to make this dramatic. But conditions are hard and only GOD will help. Since Congo is one of the largest countries in Africa, it always have one of the  largest water ways, from Kisangani to Kinshasa. It’s a thousand mile long, since road conditions are worst and flight on planes is for  the richest people, the rest of the population depends on  ships or ferries for the long ride between those cities.  Now imagine those ships or ferries are not well kept or maintains also thinks about one in the middle of the deep river and the ships just break down or collides and starts to sinks and no life boats or life jackets, also thinks about no navy ships around or rescue planes or helicopter to rescue those stranded people. Just think and look at yourself and see how bless or lucky or the wonders of life.

My points here is simple and clear We’ve to be thankful daily for the abundant opportunity God is giving us here in the advance World. Let’s don’t make life hard for others let’s help anyone we can and do so with all our heaths and guts.

Yes, the World is round and morrow can be better than today always.

GOD Have Mercy On Us All....

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today." - Groucho Marx

 

A Saturday morning I pray not to repeat or imagine or even accepts. But who's me to say all that? I am at work, as I always works on weekends.

"Hajj is me, I always know all my main Muslim's  friends calls me Hajj as I always called them Hajj too (I likes calling everyone with a name, it makes people knows that you cares for them and you're genuine too). It's Mohamed, one of my friend and co-worker, he just went back home (Freetown) to see his mother, after 18 years of not seeing his  relatives.

Few days ago, we talked and he told me his younger brother is sick and admitted at one of the main hospital in Freetown , but he prefer to transfer him to Bo town, there own province in the Country side, I was a bit shocked, but I can understand.

He passed away this morning, as a Muslim, they're washing the body as I talk to my friend and getting ready for burial. My mouth was full and heart heavy, I said a prayer too as I hold on to the phone, I told him I'll call him after the burial and God will make things easy and God knows best.

As I was about to hanged up the phone, there's another call on the other line, this one is from my other friend Clifford Smith, some of us call him "The Boss", I've took Clifford and his wife on many road trips and his wife always tells me that is because of me, they travel lot now.

I was a bit busy now by this time at work when Clifford calls me, I was about to tell him about Mohamed Suliaman brother passing, when Clifford said to me that he's in trouble and his burned down, I said what are you talking about Clifford?

He said, his daughter, and his daughter two children (Clifford Grand Kids) and his niece just died by road accident by Okra Hill as they're travelling to Freetown. 

Oh GOD, I screamed, I am in state of shock and words can't come out right, I hold on to the phone for some minutes and I promised to call back in few minutes. As I pray for God mercy and pardon for all of us.

God, only you knows best and only you can do things or anything and no one can ask you why. I know we all going to pass on and life moves on one day, I know that non of us knows morrow or what's ahead of us. But God please help us and makes life easy for us and sympathize with the ones that are going through the pain of losing there love ones and show mercy on us all. I know that the World, this whole World that we're living in right now is not perfect and it will never be, but help us God to live and guide us on the right path, as you're the only One who can do so. God drives Satan far away from us all and make us a good believers

Happy New Year 2012.....

It's a new beginning as the words always goes when we starts a new year. I see it as a continuation of life.

But I know that few things are going to change in my life, God willing. I try not to make those new year resolutions anymore, most time it's just waste of time and derailments. As such, I'm looking at things as a commitments and most do from now on.

I know that I'm human just like anyone else, but I'm gong to do better now and I'm asking for God help and protections always.

First, I've o go See my MOTHER and starts from there God willing.

Lot to write and I'm looking forwards to anyone critics and suggestions. I'll try to keep my emotions aside and just be a simple blogger or want to be. So help my GOD....

My Daughter Was In Grief.

"Ya see, in life I know there's lots of grief" Bob Marley.

As I always picked up my little girl on Wednesday's evening from the babysitter and she'll stays with me till Friday's evening. We talks about school, work and things in general. I always encourage my kids to have an open chat with me and I likes when we talks about things, I now thinks that she always looks up to that moments with me when I let her talks and I listen to her with all my being. I realized she like that more since she can't get that attentions from anyone else but from her father.

This evening was a bit different, I can feels some stress on her and as I always asked her: Sally, how's school today? How many homework's do you have to turn in morrow morning? Do you needs help with them? What are we eating for dinner?

But this Wednesday evening, she says, dad, my best friend at school lost her mom and the funeral is on Thursday and it will take place in Pennsylvania, I wish I can go, but I can't. If the funeral was taking place here, I'll attend it if you can take me there. I took a deep breath and says, what happened with her? And do you know her?

Yes dad, I know her and I've been to there house before, she's one of the nice person I've seen. I get more concerns now. So what happened with her? She died from her sleep, She went to bed and never wakes up. How old was her? She's just 34 years. Oh yes, I repeats, 34 years old?

Her name Diron, she's survives by two girls, 15 and 13 years old, the 13 years old is in the same grade as my daughter Sally, they're best friends at school and on the phone.

So, I told my girl, If this was here, I'll go with you to the funeral service so you'll pay respects and sympathize with your friend and her family's.

The next day, which was Friday, after Jummah prayers, I picked up my girl from school, as we're driving to the public library, she received a text message from one of the friends who attended the funeral, I heard my little girls says: Oh, she don't looks the same, I asked who? She say's the lady who passed. Despite I was driving and I don't need no distraction on the road, I asked to take a look at the photo. There she was in her coffin, resting in peace, despite I don't know her, she looks calm, relax and beautiful. And then Sally showed me her photo when she was alive. Oh God, a beautiful and warm smile, she looks so friendly and her classes sparkles. I can't help it, but choked up a bit. I took a deep breath and say May God rest her Soul in peace.

Life lessons: No one knows tomorrow. No one can be guarantee anything. No one wants to dies, no one wants to abandon there child in this World all by themselves and pass away without knowing who will be there for them. I am an emotional person, I know how deep it hits me by looking at the lady photos: Dead or Alive. But now she's gone.

Now her two girls going to lives in California with family members, who knows what can happens in there future? Yes the good LORD will surely takes care of them and see them through life ups and downs.

I ask God to help them and help us all. I ask God to make life simple and make us succeeds in whatever good we plans or going after. I ask God to pardon Diron and grant her Heaven. May her Soul rest in perfect peace...

Wedding And Family's:

There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.  ~Martin Luther

I received a call this morning from my Aunt's who lives in New Jersey: It goes like this: "Hi Saidu, it's Hajja, We came down to Maryland for the wedding, please don't be mad at me for coming. I'll talks to you later. O kay, I came to take the bad name away from me. this is Hajja."

The wedding? It's the wedding of my daughter mother, the lady I thinks I wasted my time behind and never loves me. But no complaining here. Today she's married in an open ceremony, lot of my family member's are invited, it's a bit crazy for her to invites all my family's. I thinks she's trying to send me some message. But I didn't get it yet.
So all my family's are in the wedding and they're saying it's the wedding of the year for them. I am still lost here.

O Kay, let's me be serious again. Marriage is a blessings and I always wishes for all to be in it for the good or the bad, I loves my daughter mom and have great respect for her. I wish her the best in this union and I wish her nothing less than total happiness, she's married to my Aunt cousin-in-law. My Aunt and husband are super happy and see there wishes comes true.

I've a great and large family here and back home, despite we're not that united or functions well, but we're always there sometimes for each other, I am the only black sheep, maybe I am just one of the black sheep. I loves my family and cares deeply for them. I am not the social kind of man or the man who jumps on every parties just to fit in. I likes fun or good times, but I likes to stay home and just be calm.

Marriage is a duty on me as a Muslim and as a human, we all needs someone special in our life, despite we might not always have our dreams or heart desires, but we try to make things work some how.

I might not know the reasons for the invitations of all my family member's to the wedding of the year, but they're my family's and I supports them some how. I don't know how things will turn out morrow, but I am sure if I am getting marry, I don't know if any of my family members will come there except one, my uncle Sallu, he cares and supports my efforts, no matter how life bangs me, he always stand by me, no one in my family is like that for now,but no bad blood, I have to realized that "It is what it is".

Before I get marry, I've to let my life time partner knows this: I don't have a strong or supportive family's likes I wish I'll have, I don't have a large family to come to our wedding, I don't have much to show for my family. But this is me and I've ALLAH and me to show to my fiancee, may be she will take that offer,but if not, Love is there forever.

We all wants happy life styles or comfy one, we all wants the best for ourselves, we all wants to be up top. God help us all, God help us make it. I loves my life and the love of my life, despite I don't know what's she's up, but love is real always. Help us GOD.

A Letter To Life (Part 2)

"The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want." - Ben Stein

In my last letter to you, I didn't get out all what I've to say, as such I've to write you another one. I promised to keep it simple and no need to reply my letters, I just want someone to talk to, since no one else cares or can give me the real attentions I'm always longing for, I realized you'll be the better option for now or always.

For the past weeks towards the end of Ramadan, I've made up my mind and I know what I wants in terms of mate, God willing, I'm settling down. The time is now, I can't fool myself always that I'm doomed and no love out there for me, even if that's the case, I've to wake up and smell the coffee burning. I've to give love a try and put all I can in it, whatever comes out of it is up to God, but I am going for it.

Oh, by the way Life, few things have been going on lately, I recieved several mails from my former partner's, some are sad, some are breath taking, some are just cold cuts. But such is life right? I just wish we all can see how life worth the best of us and how we might have change each other or make each other happier or better, but sometimes it is what it is...

We all don't know morrow, for now, no one knows morrow. But we all are responsible for our morrow may be. So help us God. Help us uplift ourselves and make us stronger in our faith and courage.

Oh, I've also realized that no one can waste your time if you don't allow them, looking back to my past, I'm sure I'll not do things as I used to, sometimes ladies will call you and asking for rides, they want to go places and they needs ride or just to hangouts, by the time all that said and done, it's late at night and nothing else to do, what a waste of time?

I think this way now: I'll prefer to stay home, spend time with families and love one, stay home and cook if I can, and I do like eating good food, I pray my life time partner will cook good, Pls,GOD help her to cook good, take a walk at the park or looking at natures or other things that's matters. I am sure that's not making me mean or hard, just change of life or styles now. After all those running around, pushing and pulling, what else? Nothing good but sometimes regrets and nothing to show for.

O kay Life, this all for now, I'll send you another letter in few days time. This week started a bit hectic, but I'll be fine and I'm sure things will be in order. I don't likes to be lazy always, I have to beat myself harder in the gym for this week and months to come.

Be cool Life, it worth living it always.