My MOTHER Illness...

"The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret." - Henri Frederic Amiel. 

       It's 4:oo am in the morning in DC. My cell phone has been ringing, it's a call from home, a call from my mother, she was calling me since 3:00 am but I was sound asleep. I ran to my phone and see my mother missed calls, I call her back immediately, I know something is just not right, my heart was beating fast and I am worried, is my mother okay? Or something worst. After few rings, she answered with a shaking voice and I can feel her tears.

      "Sayid" ( as my mother calls me ) I am sick. I am not feeling good. I can't walk right and I want to go to the hospital, I don't mind to admit. But I am sick". 

      I fight back my fears and I ask,  "Mummy, what's the problem? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

       My mother said, "No, I am not alright".

       With all Allah courage and grace in me, I broke down. I know my mother as very strong lady and she's not emotional of a lady. But to sense that my mother is crying, hits me hard and makes me more worried and confused.

        Just a week before this, I lost my Cousin Abdulia. May his Soul rest in perfect peace. We were close, I always look up to him and he's a wonderful family man. I remember all the good times we spent together with my main Uncle Sallieu. Oh God. Life....

       Doctor's have told my mother many years ago that she needs to slow down and stop doing hard work and just relaxed, she didn't. My mother still wash her clothes, cook and goes to the market her self, fetch water, and walks under the rain. Three of my brothers are there who can do it all for her, but my mother don't allow them to do things for her. My mother was born with heart problems, she's a blessings. My mother is in her 60's now.God heals my mother.

        Back to the phone call, I don't know who to call or where to starts, but I only know my mother needs help right away and it's serious. I send message to my loved one who has dumped me for good now since my mother fall ill, but we'll go back to my loved one later, I then called my Aunt, my mother younger sister who lives in Maryland.We both are panicking and action needs to be taken right away. To make the story short, my aunt and I mobilized the other family's in Freetown to get my mother to the hospital immediately. God bless my Aunt. I know family's are the best always in life, no matter how much we all see thing differently.

         My mother has been in hospital for almost a week now and slowly getting back to herself. Several X-rays and medications and family physical supports are flowing. (I'll keep my mother updates as she get better on my blogs).

         Did I just say family's supports are flowing? Yes, I mean it and outside physical supports too. I realized that if you're good to people and open and talk with clear and genuineness, one can always have someone who'll listen and surprise you, maybe.

(Facebook), few of my FB  friends who sometimes say hello to me and live in Freetown, went to see my mother at the hospital. They kept asking me why I am down and not chatting much on Facebook. As open as I am always, I let them know my mother is sick in the hospital. Many went and visited with my mother. I let them contact my younger brother first before they can see my mother. To my surprise, my mother told me that she's amazed by the visits and support and she got  emotional. Well those friends are just people who I'll say hello to and one  particular guy, (Won't mentioned his name).  He went and ask if he can wash my mother clothes and provide her medicines and other stuff, my brother said NO, "Sayed is doing all for her mom". Wow. Thanks Bro for your kindness, despite you only knew me on Facebook, but you went above and beyond all means. I might be slowing down on Facebook to pay more attentions now to my mother and family and good people who cares about me, but I learn something new lately.

Thanks to the supports I have here in the States, special one's who asked if they can get my mother medications and prayers. Words can't tell my state of mind. I was way down when you guys were asking me to just tell how each one of you can help my mother. Tears was in my eyes but I've to hide them and just be this super man that I always imagine to be.

But with all that, I've to say this and I know it will take awhile to get it off my mind and I'll write more on this topic on many more blogs.

I  was cut off by someone I love, admire and have always long for and wish to spend my life with. I got dumped during the hardest time of my life. 

My mother is sick and she turned her back on  me and she is gone for good. I will not , say or try to condemn anyone on my blogs. True love is more than words and sometimes more than actions. But yes. I am all alone again in my life. In my 40's, no one to call my partner, my lover, my wife or my fiancee or sweetie.

I don't care; what is  the point or excuse you were trying to find in me to abandon me, you could have or should have waited till my mother got better before you dumped me or walked away. Not at this sad time in my life. You can tell me that I am not for you, and your family pressure is more than you can handle and I am not from your side or part of the World, or qualify for you or too old for you or too ugly for you, you could have waited for my mother to get well or better before you say goodbye. You  could have stood by me and just tell me all will be fine despite you're not interested in me, you could have care for me and show that we're Muslim's and human and God creations. You could have kept your peace and just hold on to me while I wiped my tears for my mother's health.

 You could have told me how you felt about  me and what you wanted from me and why you waited for an excuse to dump  me. You could have told me that all will be fine and I am here for you no matter what. You could have prayed for my mother's health; you could have have wished  me well before you dumped me. Not after you've dumped me and now you're gone and you're now telling me that God will help us all. I know God will. But don't think I am in a sad position? Do you have a heart or do you feel good by just dumping me and gone forever? Do you/ Why?