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Saturday, August 13, 2011

A Letter To .....

Dear Life Lessons,
I hope by the time I finished this blog, I'll drive most of the points to the right core of my letter. This letter will not be in order or details as I wish, but it's real and I hope you can understand.
This letter is about me and love or settling down. I've come to the that sign on the road that says, go right or left, but both ways might be the same destination.
I've to settle done for reasons so many that I can't give all by the time I close this letter to you.
Yes, I'm in my 40's, so what? Oh yea it means lot. I wish I could have settle down while I was in my 30's. But Life is not always giving us what we all wants.
Let's move on. I know I've hurt few ladies on my way, others have hurts me as well, but I've to learn to forgives and I hope and pray that the ones I've hurts will pardon me too. I never intends to hurts no one in love, but my past can't be changed or fix, that's why it called "The Past".
But I do have few things in heart to say about few wonderful lovers that I wish things could have gone right. I Will not use there full name. *Let's me talk about T, you was  one of the people I just can't forget, you was open and bold towards me, you talks to me, you tell me your heart, you talks to me and talks more to me, I likes that about you, despite you was not in love with me, but I fall for you because you was open and clear with me. The big problem we have is the way you see or perceives life, you don't thinks life is good and you don't believes in happiness and you thinks everything in life is bad. That's hurts me lot, despite you don't care about how I feels at the time or my fears and concerns, but I stocked with you because I loves you and I cares deeply for your state of mind. I don't know why you was always unhappy about life, but it was pushing me off the cliff so fast. T, I wish you was in love with me then, you was like a dream came true for me when we started dating and talking and doing things and all that, you're a beautiful Soul T, I pray that you change your mind about life and see it for all the blessings and wonders in it.
I am sure you're good to your partner now and making him feels warm and happy, I envy that, I wish you've done that to me T. Oh well, the lady I am talking to now is 100% different from you, she is dark to me, meaning that: I don't know anything about her, she hides everything from me. She travels and do things and she don't wants me to know a single thing,I've never meet anyone like her. She told me nothing in life is serious and she's not serious with me. I am confused and not sure what next, despite she looks happy always and friendly, she is always a stranger to me, she never opens up to me.
T, do you remember when you always calls my name: Saidu, Sayed or Yusuf? Well this lady never called my name, that's a huge surprise to me. I likes when a woman calls my name, it means they're real and nothing to hides, but I thinks one reasons she don't calls my name, she don't want to call me another guy name, that's sad, but yes, she have it all. T, I likes how you call my name in every conversations we have. I calls your name too in every words we exchanged, that's was so lovely and open and caring.
Wait a minutes, I just realized I can't mentions all the ones I wants to talks about now, so let's move on.
I want to settle down and that's the fact. Yes, it will be done by Allah wish. Listening to the Imam sermon last Jummah, he says who knows what's next year Ramadan will bring us? Who will be healthy and living for it? Life never give us any promises, we know of right now, no one knows morrow, no one including me.
Now, I've to go see my mother (Insha Allah). Marriage is not easy, I've seen many of my friends and family's gone in and out, some faster while others slowly. But it always worth going for.
I am going into it for the better and the worst and I pray for the better. But who loves me? Who's open to me? Who's serious about me? Who can take a single father? So many questions and I am not looking for answers, I am going to try and try. Oh God help me. I pray that the blessings of Ramadan will be on me and all others who are looking for a settle life styles.
Yes, morrow is not promising, but today is reality.

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